ledge of liberty

Oddments: Get your vote on edition

• Torture Bush. [Liquid Generation]
• Apparently Ann Coulter isn’t the only one with pie in her face these days..."You've got no shame!" screamed Chu Fong-chih of the opposition Nationalist Party, after throwing a take-out box of chicken and rice at Chen Tsung-yi...Chen responded by accusing Chu of sympathizing with Taiwan's arch-foe China, and flung his own lunch box at her. [Yahoo/Reuters]
• Call 212-875-7000. "You're just a phone call away from hot one-on-one chat with a few Weapons of Mass...Seduction." [LieGirls via Wonkette via Fleshbot]
• Eminem's new patriotic music video MOSH [Real Player] [Windows Media]
• Missing weapons. Nope, no weapons over there...maybe under here? [NY Times]
• "When it comes to accusations, we don't know who's telling the truth, so I'm not going to get on the Bill O'Reilly bandwagon. But one of his producers is suing him for unwanted phone sex with her while he was using a vibrator on himself. To me, that doesn't sound like Bill O'Reilly, because usually he's pulling stuff out of his ass." --Bill Maher [Bill O’Reilly Jokes]

GOP: Bush's symbolic wolves kill Kerry's symbolic bambi

[New GOP Campaign AD]

UPDATE: John Kerry's symbolic eagle just crapped on G.W.'s symbolic ostridge.

UPDATE #2: Ronald Reagan's symbolic bear is pissed.

Oddments: Democracy happens edition

• "Hello my name is Jake and I made this webpage to support George W. Bush for president. Take a look at this webpage to find out more about our president and why he is the best president of America. This webpage is actualy more like a fan page because Bush will be elected again so easy that it doesnt even matter if we vote or not. So just take a look and see why George W. is the greatest!" [W4Prez]
• What? What bulge? Nope... noooo, that’s just my uh colostomy bag. Shhhhhh...don't ask, don't tell. [Bush Bulges]
• Jon Stewart tells Tucker Carlson where to stick his bowtie on Crossfire live. [randomfoo.net]
• Uh, just click the link ---> [Gradis]
• "150 DV cameras distributed across Iraq for the Iraqi people to show the world who they are and what Iraq will be." [Voices of Iraq]

Flag Etiquette 101

[George Bush autographed flag on Ebay]

4 USC Sec. 8
Title 4 - Flag and Seal, Seat of Government, and the States
Chapter 1 - The Flag
Sec. 8. - Respect for flag
(g) The flag should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature.

Bill O’Reilly Sexual Harassment Suit

Watching a porno, Bill O'Reilly phones Andrea Mackris, Fox News producer, and begins to "babble perversely regarding his fantasies concerning Caribbean vacations because, purportedly: "Once people get into that hot whether they shed their inhibitions, you know they drink during the day, they lay there and lazy, they have dinner and then they come back and fool around... that's basically the modus operandi." [Mackris affidavit]

BILL O'REILLY: Well, if I took you down there then I'd want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing I'd do… yeah, we'd check into that room, and we would order up some room service and uh and you'd definitely get two wines into you as quickly as I could get into you I would get 'em into you… maybe intravenously, get those wines into you…

You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I'd join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda' soap up your back... rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water... and um... you know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda' put my arm – it's one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it... and I would put it around front, kinda' rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard... 'cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs...

So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind... and then I would take the other hand with the falafel (sic) thing and I'd put it on your pussy but you’d have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business...

What's fascinating to me about Bill O'Reilly's Caribbean shower fantasy, besides the obvious hilarity, is the similarity to a [un]sexy shower scene in his 1999 book, Those Who Trespass. I blogged about this very scene back in July, writing, "Hmm, Bill O’Reilly... Tommy O'Malley... do you think this is supposed to be at all autobiographical?"

Stripping off her bathing-suit, she walked into the huge shower. She pulled the lime green curtain across the entrance and then set the water for a tepid 75-degrees. The spray felt great against her skin as she ducked her head underneath the nozzle. Closing her eyes she concentrated on the tingling sensation of water flowing against her body. Suddenly another sensation entered, Ashley felt two large hands wrap themselves around her breasts and hot breath on the back of her neck. She opened her eyes wide and giggled, "I thought you drowned out there snorkel man."

Tommy O'Malley was naked and at attention. "Drowning is not an option", he said, "unless of course you beg me to perform unnatural acts – right here in this shower." [Those Who Trespass]

Bill O’Reilly reads from Those Who Trespass [Ledge of Liberty]
O'Reilly Hit With Sex Harass Suit [The Smoking Gun]

10 Things I Learned From the Final Debate

• There ain't nothin' wrong with a lil' ole Tejas spittle.
Did anyone else notice George Bush foaming at the mouth? Who knew Domestic policy could be so... appetizing?
• The jobs of the 21st Century are waiting to be filled.
I don't remember ITT Tech saying the jobs of the 21st century involve community college and minimum wage, but thankfully George Bush has that covered.
• Lesbian exploitation is required.
KERRY: We're all God's children, Bob. And I think if you were to talk to Dick Cheney's daughter, who is a lesbian, she would tell you that she's being who she was, she's being who she was born as.
• Horse and buggy rides are fun, but confusing when used in reference to health care reform.
BUSH: Thirdly, one of the reasons why there's still high cost in medicine is because this is—they don‘t use any information technology. It‘s like if you looked at the—it‘s the equivalent of the buggy and horse days, compared to other industries here in America.
• The word "email" [snicker] is actually quite amusing.
SCHIEFFER: Let's go to a new question, Mr. President. I got more e-mail [Bush laughs] this week on this question than any other question.
• John Kerry is the most liberal person ever to walk the earth...more liberal than Jesus and certainly more left than Ted Kennedy.
BUSH: You know, there's a main stream in American politics and you sit right on the far left bank. As a matter of fact, your record is such that Ted Kennedy, your colleague, is the conservative senator from Massachusetts.
• Massachusetts is evil.
• Old people should sacrifice their flu shots so that old people may get their flu shots.
BUSH: I haven't gotten a flu shot, and I don't intend to because I want to make sure those who are most vulnerable get treated.
• People can't find work because, well -- they're stupid.
SCHIEFFER: Mr. President, what do you say to someone in this country who has lost his job to someone overseas who‘s being paid a fraction of what that job paid here in the United States?

BUSH: I say, here's some help, here's some trade adjustment assistance money for you to go a community college in your neighborhood, a community college which is providing the skills necessary to fill the jobs of the 21st century. And that‘s what I would say to that person.

Eye on the Prize, Not the Bulge

This being the third and final debate in what's billed as a very special election -- and it is special, it's very [finger quotes] special -- lets try to keep it to the issues shall we? So Bush's bulge is massive and throbbing –- look away -- say, "my that’s a large deficit" and move on.

ABC: Sharon Osbourne Dead

Sharon Osbourne XX of XX [ABC]

First Dan Rather, now this -- obviously printed in error. The truth is, Christopher Reeve has passed away. I suspect ABC must have had Sharon Osbourne's obituary pre-written and accidentally posted it in place of Christopher Reeves. Maybe they were referencing the format? Either way, it's creepy.

UPDATE: I called ABC News and explained the situation to a confused switch board operator who said she hadn't heard about it but would let someone know, just before transferring me to an audience commentary voice-mailbox. Regardless, the story was taken down within minutes. Game over.

UPDATE #2: Here's the obituary in full.

Sharon Osbourne XX of XX.

Sharon Osbourne, best known as the woman who saved Ozzy Osbourne from himself, XXX today of XXX. She was XX.
Valerie Reiss
ABC News

[Nee Sharon Arden Born October 9, 1953 in London, England XXXX: XX]

Wife and business manager of heavy metal legend Ozzy Osbourne, a.k.a. the Prince of Bleeping Darkness, Sharon lived in backstage obscurity until her family's wildly popular MTV reality show, The Osbournes, catapulted her to household-name status. Her XXX today of XXX was?

Sharon, Ozzy and two of their three teenage children, Jack, 18 and Kelly, 17, played out their chaotic yet happy daily lives for an audience of millions - one episode pulled in 7.8 million viewers, the most for any show in the history of the network. They also won an Emmy award for Best Reality TV Show.

Off-screen, just weeks after negotiating an astronomical $20 million dollar contract for a second season of The Osbournes, Sharon was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. The show went on, though, filming throughout her illness and treatment.

Though she struggled with addictions to food, drugs and alcohol, Sharon was known for her business savvy and nerves of steel. Starting in the late 1970s, she hauled Ozzy out of a debilitating drug addiction, took over his career and helped him sell more than 70 million solo albums. When Ozzy was rejected by Lollapalooza, she created the Ozzfest metal tour, which turned out to be the largest grossing group concert in history. Sharon also hatched the idea for The Osbournes and was the family's fiercest contract negotiator throughout.

Rock n' Roll Roots

With a father who was a concert producer and band manager and a mother who danced, Sharon grew up steeped in London's entertainment industry. Sharon's father, the hard-bitten Don Arden, managed bands such as Electric Light Orchestra and Black Sabbath, Ozzy's original heavy metal band. Sharon dropped out of school at 15 to work for her him.

Ozzy and Sharon's romance began in 1979, when Sharon went to collect $500 that Ozzy owed her father. Having been kicked out of Black Sabbath for excessive substance abuse, Sharon found Ozzy at a Beverly Hills hotel, bottomed out from a six-month cocaine binge. "He was so vulnerable and sweet and honest," she told People. "He was a bit of an oddball. But he was really, really loving."

Furious with her for poaching a client - especially one who owed him money - Sharon's father attempted to have her killed and they did not speak for 20 years.

During those years, Sharon struggled with her weight and Ozzy's addictions. At the lowest point in his struggle, Ozzy attacked Sharon one night in a drug-induced haze and tried to strangle her. "Eminem talks about killing his wife, but my husband actually tried it," Sharon told British tabloids. The incident landed Ozzy in a six-month round of rehab, though even today, he continues to drink and take prescription drugs.

In 1999, when 225 pounds had settled on Sharon's 5'2" frame, she underwent a new surgical procedure to shrink her stomach. It helped her drop 95 pounds, restricting her to small amounts of food at a time. "In my life I've seen the way people react to fat people. Somebody once said that it's more accepted to be a drug addict than it is to the fat, and it's true," Sharon told Barbara Walters.

Doctors say this weight-loss procedure had nothing to do with her subsequent cancer.

At the height of The Osbournes popularity, Sharon was included in People's Most Beautiful People issue in 2002.

When she was diagnosed with cancer, her family was shattered. Filming the show during this difficult time was more straining than they had thought. "Ozzy's been hitting the bottle again and the cameras are here all the time?" Sharon told Barbara Walters on 20/20. "So we have no privacy? You know when you're sick and you want to be on your own? And I can't throw up on my own and Ozzy can't get drunk on his own."

Osbournes No Osmonds

The family's on-screen, "ordinary" lives made the Addams Family seem like the Osmonds — they in fact parodied the wholesome duo for a Pepsi Superbowl ad this year. Their regular-yet-shocking family antics were punctuated by the constant bleep of the censor, with Sharon remaining the sane and stable mom throughout. When the family pooch had bowel problems, she called in the pet therapist; when things got ugly with the elevator-music-loving neighbors, she made nice with police.

The show also affected the lives of their teenage children. Kelly, 17 has put out an album, Shut up; Jack, 18 appeared on an episode of Dawson's Creek; and even the "missing" daughter, Aimee, who moved out when MTV moved in — has upped the ante on her modeling career. Sharon too, was set to host her own afternoon talk show. Alternately proud and bothered by her family's fame and lack of privacy, Sharon surprised MTV executives by telling Barbara Walters the show would end after the second season. She quickly recovered from the gaffe by publicly announcing, "I love my MTV."

"You're not as normal as I think you are when I'm talking to you," Walters once told Sharon, aptly capturing the essence of her allure. When Ozzy once bit off the head of a dove during a tense moment with record company executives, Sharon defended him, "He was meant to take it out of his pockets as a show of peace."

Sharon also occasionally surprised her foes with Tiffany boxes full of feces. She also told People about her meeting with Queen Elizabeth: "She was very warm and amazingly down-to-earth, and I just told her that she had great t*%&, 'cause she does."

To celebrate their 20th anniversary, Sharon and her dark prince renewed their wedding vows in a New Year's Eve ceremony. The official day of their anniversary is July 4th. Sharon once joked, "I wanted to pick a day Ozzy would remember."

Osbourne is survived by her husband Ozzy and three children, Kelly, Jack and Aimee.

Rumors on the Internets

"Uh, I hear there're rumors on the uh internets...that we're gonna have a draf...we're not going to have a draft, period." - G. W. Bush

There's so many problems with this statement, it's actually overwhelming to even approach it. So, lets just address the obvious shall we, the uh [cough] "internets". George -- if you were referring to the World Wide Web, and I think, considering the context, it’s safe to assume you were -- there's only one internet. Not nine, not twenty-three, alas, not even two -- only one.

What bothers me most about Bush’s latest misspeak, isn't that he said something stupidly amusing, it was the proud inflection of the word as he used it. "Internets", he said, like a child in a spelling bee. A clever little boy who knows how to spell sycophant. As if he knew there were several internets, and he being smarter than the average netscaper was going to speak contrary to popular opinion. "Internets" he says sharply, going on to spell, "I..N..T [pause] E..R..N..E..T [long pause] S!"

The auditorium erupts into riotous applause -- George Bush has won the spelling bee.

President Remarks on Woodland Security

U.S. Department of Woodland Security
G.H.W. Bush Building
Washington, D.C.

11:09 A.M. EST

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you all, please be seated -- unless, of course, you don't have a seat. (Laughter.) Thanks for the warm welcome. I'm honored to join the proud men and women of the Department of Woodland Security.

Many of you were here from day one. Others have come aboard in the days since. It's essential that this nation not be a nation of empty words, but a nation that is determined to do our duty. I laid out a doctrine a while ago, and it said if you harbor a tree, if you feed a tree, you're just as guilty as the trees.

We have captured, arrested, and rid the world of thousands of trees, destroyed forests, saved people from breathing, and freed a country from brutal oxygen.

God bless your work, and may God continue to bless our country.

The President

Zyprexa Nation

With nearly 19 million Americans currently under diagnosis of depression, the prescription drug trade has become a liquid market. And though patients are 68 times more likely to commit suicide on serotonergic medications such as Zyprexa, Risperal, Seroquel, Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Luvox, and Celexa -- anyone can get a prescription.

In June, Bush announced his New Freedom Initiative -- a plan that, according to the British Medical Journal, moves to "screen [the] whole U.S. population for mental illness" and with components of the initiative starting to fall into place and with Election Day looming, I think an examination of the relationship between the Bush family and the pharmaceutical industry is long overdue.

In 2002 the Republican Party received an unprecedented $21,717,772.00 in contributions from the pharmaceutical industry. These same contribution trends show the Democratic Party received only a fraction of the amount. So what does the Pharmaceutical industry have to gain from such an "investment"? Do you think the republican congress was thinking of the $22 million dollars when they passed the recent Medicare Privatization bill? A bill, which undermines the future of Medicare but puts $130 billion dollars into the pockets of the pharmaceutical giants.

In my experience following the Bush administration, anywhere you find an "initiative" or self proclaimed "good intention" -- you'll also find a corporation that stands to make a bundle. In the case of "The new Freedom Initiative", that corporation is Eli Lilly.

Is it just a coincidence, the Bush family and administrations, past and present, have a long and lucrative history with Eli Lilly? George Herbert Walker Bush served on the Board of Directors in the 1970's when appointed by Dan Quayle's father who at the time held the company in principal interest. There's Mitch Daniels, who started his career with Eli Lilly in government relations, made his way to Vice President and became W’s OMD Director. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, former CEO of G D Searle, who served on the Board of Gilead Sciences and wouldn't you know it -- Eli Lilly's Amylin Pharmaceuticals. There's former Enron executive, Ken Lay, an ex-Eli Lilly Board member. And lets not forget W's Homeland Security Advisory Council member and concurrent Eli Lilly CEO, Sidney Taurel. Does anyone remember the mysterious clause that wrote itself into the Homeland Security Act -- the one protecting Eli Lilly from thimerosal lawsuits? Hmm...I wonder how that got there?

And lets face it, we are a nation of drug addicts -- even our pets are on Prozac. We're beggars to exploitation. Whether it’s Tylenol or Paxil, caffine or coke, chocolate or cigarettes -- we’re all popping pills and downing coffee without a given thought to consequence. The War on Drugs has actually institutionalized the drug trade; dealers are to addicts as pharmacologists are to patients. Happiness is no longer a state of mind -- it will be prescribed -- just ask your dealer, eh doctor.

The Pet that I Want: A story by George B.

There's no doubt -- Ledge of Liberty has the best and brightest readers in all the blogosphere! Well, today a new bar in reader commentary has been achieved -- a 1,373 letter anagram of George Bush’s 9/11 classic, 'The Pet Goat'. Bush would likely call its author steadfast or unwavering, but I prefer to call him Richard G., 'The Anagraminator'.

the pet that i want
by george b.

hi there, i am called george! i like birthdays, christmas, candies, the seaside, my daddy, playing soldiers, the ranch, free trade agreements, god, the preacher at church, and earning heaps and heaps of cash! i hate heathens, dictators, hostile nations, librarians, gay marriage, words that are hard to read, and canada and other geography.

when i get bigger i want to get a big bad dog, perhaps a pit bull terrier or a german shepherd. i'd pop him in the garage and throw him live rabbits budgerigars beagles cats toads and badgers that he can grab and eat! that'd be so great to watch! i'd laugh and laugh.

at the moment i have got some littler dogs, a cat and two daughters. the cat and the daughters are rather boring, but the best one is the poodle. the poodle is called tony. he's always happily trotting along behind me, and he does anything i say. he is the best!

he is pretty bright, too. each time i read the speeches that daddy's friends hand me, tony always yaps along, trying to read them too! he sounds just like me when he does that.

but i'd rather get another dog that's a whole lot bigger, though, with lots of teeth! i'd call the dog darth vader, as darth is a cool name! (i watched 'star wars' at a theater, and it was so great! i wish it could really happen some day.)

anyhow, i'd teach darth to chase and catch beggars, hippies and a-rabs and other scum, and chew them to death with his sharp teeth. he'd be a lot better than tony - sure, he can get pretty fierce too but he's too short to reach the throat.

so i want a big bad dog real soon! i begged daddy real hard but he says "not until you get better grades, george, or at least attain a second term as the president." then he hands my leash to mister cheney and we go walkies.

the end

The Pet Goat: Part One & Two (comments section) [Ledge of Liberty]

Kerry’s October Surprise: Who knew?

Since early spring, politicalphiles and election newbies alike have speculated as to what George Bush and his cast of cronies would do in the final weeks of election punditry desperation. And though an 'October Surprise' may still be a brew, by all televised appearances, John Kerry has stolen the October thunder.

It was in an unexpected debate play; John Kerry metaphorically tore off George Bush's leg and beat him while America watched. Embarrassing for the Bushites and I believe a bit [October] surprising for Kerry supporters. With 32 pages of regulations and a Republican stronghold over the media, how did Kerry manage to captivate America?

Could it be that John Kerry is a born leader? Could it be that all that 'flip flopping' was just media spin? Or perhaps George Bush is a babbling idiot?

As I watched George cower into his podium, apparently nervous and uncomfortable with the forum -- dry mouth, nervous laugh, repeating “it’s hard work”, I couldn’t help but think -- our President looked more like the cover of a Mad Magazine than the leader of the free world.

Congratulations John Kerry -- America is pleasantly surprised.