"Those Who Trespass", a Pornographic Work by Bill O'Reilly

By day he's a political talk show host, but by night he's transformed into an aquatic sex monster! He's Bill O'Reilly! He's Snorkelman!

This is the funniest thing ever -- FOX's Bill O’Reilly of the O'Reilly Factor, reading from his badly written pornographic novel, Those Who Trespass. I think the sound of Janeane Garofalo laughing in the background really adds to the overall effect.

Stripping off her bathing-suit, she walked into the huge shower. She pulled the lime green curtain across the entrance and then set the water for a tepid 75-degrees. The spray felt great against her skin as she ducked her head underneath the nozzle. Closing her eyes she concentrated on the tingling sensation of water flowing against her body. Suddenly another sensation entered, Ashley felt two large hands wrap themselves around her breasts and hot breathe on the back of her neck. She opened her eyes wide and giggled, "I thought you drowned out there snorkel man."

Tommy O'Malley was naked and at attention. "Drowning is not an option", he said, "unless of course you beg me to perform unnatural acts – right here in this shower." -Those Who Trespass, Bill O’Reilly

Hmm, Bill O’Reilly... Tommy O'Malley... do you think this is supposed to be at all autobiographical? Thank you Majority Report for bringing this literary masterpeice to my attention! The clip was extracted from hour 2 of the July 14, 2004 show.