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July 10, 2004
The Pet Goat: Part One & Two
It’s the obscure book George Bush was reading on September 11th, now immortalized by Michael Moores Fahrenheit 9/11. It’s the harrowing tale of a girl, her goat, and a robber. It’s a tough one to track down, but look no further, here it is in it’s entirety, the final chapter in the goat saga; The Pet Goat: Part One & Two. Read at you own risk, this story may distract you for up to 7 minutes.
Part One: The Pet Goat
A girl got a pet goat. She liked to go running with her pet goat. She played with her goat in her house. She played with her goat in her yard.
But the goat did some things that made the girl's dad mad. The goat ate things. He ate cans and he ate canes. He ate pans and he ate panes. He even ate capes and caps.
One day her dad said, "that goat must go. He ate too many things." The girl said, "dad if you let the goat stay with us, I will see that he stops eating all those things."
Her dad said he will try it.
So the goat stayed and the girl made him stop eating cans and canes and caps and capes.
But one day a car robber came to the girls house. He saw a big red car near the house and said, "I will steal that car."
He ran to the car and started to open the door. The girl and the goat were playing in the back yard. They did not see the car robber.
More to come.
Part Two: The Goat Stops the Robber
A girl had a pet goat. Her dad had a red car.
A car robber was going to steal her dad’s car. The girl and her goat were playing in the back yard.
Just then the goat stopped playing. He saw the robber. He bent his head down and started to run for the robber. The robber was bending over the seat of the car. The goat hit him with sharp horns. The car robber went flying.
The girl’s Dad ran out of the house. He grabbed the robber. “you were trying to steal my car,” he yelled.
The girl said, “but my goat stopped him.”
“Yes,” her dad said, “that goat saved my car.”
The car robber said, “something hit me when I was trying to steal that car.”
The girl said, “my goat hit you.”
The girl hugged the goat. Her Dad said, “that goat can stay with us. And he can eat all the cans and canes and caps and capes he wants.”
The girl smiled. Her goat smiled. Her Dad smiled. But the car robber did not smile. He said, “I am sore.”
The End.
The Pet Goat, Siegfried Engelmann & Elaine C. Bruner, Lesson 60, page 153, Reading Mastery 2, Storybook #1, SRA (Scientific Research Associates), McGraw-Hill, 1995, ISBN# 0026863553
Related article: The Pet Goat, a Story by George W. Bush
Related article: Mystery of “The Pet Goat” Revealed
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» The Goat, or Who is George? from The Dear Ralph Blog
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Tracked on August 11, 2004 12:11 AM
Comments
I wonder if "sore" is emotional, or physical or both. I wonder if the robber will "mend" his ways, i.e., repent, instead of possibly getting even with the goat. I wonder if "My Pet Goat" was/is a parable in disguise for George W. Bush. I wonder if I am the only one to connect the dots.
Posted by: Paul Henneman | July 12, 2004 03:01 PM
Kudos for tracking this down!
Please fix the following typo (it was in the first transcription post as well):
"So the goat stayed and the girl made him stop eating cans and capes and caps and capes."
cans and canes!
Or maybe that was how W read it ;)
Posted by: Transcription nazi | July 16, 2004 08:44 AM
why thank you transcription nazi! the correction has been made...
-peter
Posted by: ledge of liberty | July 16, 2004 03:49 PM
My favorite book is The Pet Goat
It’s the best that has been wrote.
I have read it on a train
In a car and on a plane.
While in England, France and Spain.
In the snow and sleet and rain.
I have read it on a boat
I read it while New York was smote.
Played my part as if by rote.
Just like the time I stole the vote.
I still read it every day.
Right before I sit and pray.
After that it’s time to play!
18 holes! Hip hip hooray!
I think that you will like this book
Go ahead now, take a look!
My favorite book is The Pet Goat
It’s the best that has been wrote.
I have read it on a train
In a car and on a plane.
While in England, France and Spain.
In the snow and sleet and rain.
I have read it on a boat
I read it while New York was smote.
Played my part as if by rote.
Just like the time I stole the vote.
I still read it every day.
Right before I sit and pray.
After that it’s time to play!
18 holes! Hip hip hooray!
I think that you will like this book
Go ahead now, take a look!
Posted by: coyotea | August 8, 2004 12:57 AM
There once was a girl who had a pet goat
They had a lot of fun.
Inside, outside, all day long
They would play and run.
The goat ate cans and pans and panes
Caps and capes and even canes.
The goat was very, very bad
And made the girl’s dad very mad.
When dad said “That goat’s got to go!”
The girl said “Please, dad, no, no, no!
If you will let my goat remain
He will not eat your capes again!”
Dad said, “I’ll let your pet goat stay.
If you can get him to obey.
The quadriped has to refrain
From eating cans, caps, pans and panes.”
And dad went back into the house
With the girl’s mom who was his spouse.
He was lying down in bed
When a robber stole his car that was red.
The goat was angry and he ran
To stop the bad car-stealing man.
He put his head down: RAM! RAM! RAM!
Put an end to that guy’s scam!
Dad ran out and said “Yo, dude!
You are really bad and rude.”
To the goat he said, “Hey, bro!
I will never make you go!”
Girl, dad and goat went in the house
All three sat down on the couch.
As for the bad red car robber,
He just said, “Oy vey. Ouch. Ouch.”
Posted by: coyotea | August 11, 2004 03:19 PM
I LOVE these poems!!!
-Peter
Posted by: ledge of liberty | August 11, 2004 03:31 PM
BUSH'S SUMMER READING LIST---
(can one book a list make?)
Did anyone else notice that CNN covered a Dubya rally where a member of the gathered, otherwise-adoring throng held up a copy of THE POKY LITTLE PUPPY? I swear, I kept it on Tivo just to prove it.
The world would be a far better place if Bushy would spend all his time blankly staring at children's books.
Posted by: ntiviv | September 5, 2004 11:07 AM
Thanks for tracking the story down Peter, kudos! I've been after it for a while because I have a weird hobby of taking long texts and anagramming them (rearranging the letters) into brand new stories, and The Pet Goat sounded perfect, so I am in your debt. Here's my anagram of all 1,373 letters of the full Pet Goat story, hope you enjoy it:
the pet that i want
by george b.
hi there, i am called george! i like birthdays, christmas, candies, the seaside, my daddy, playing soldiers, the ranch, free trade agreements, god, the preacher at church, and earning heaps and heaps of cash! i hate heathens, dictators, hostile nations, librarians, gay marriage, words that are hard to read, and canada and other geography.
when i get bigger i want to get a big bad dog, perhaps a pit bull terrier or a german shepherd. i'd pop him in the garage and throw him live rabbits budgerigars beagles cats toads and badgers that he can grab and eat! that'd be so great to watch! i'd laugh and laugh.
at the moment i have got some littler dogs, a cat and two daughters. the cat and the daughters are rather boring, but the best one is the poodle. the poodle is called tony. he's always happily trotting along behind me, and he does anything i say. he is the best!
he is pretty bright, too. each time i read the speeches that daddy's friends hand me, tony always yaps along, trying to read them too! he sounds just like me when he does that.
but i'd rather get another dog that's a whole lot bigger, though, with lots of teeth! i'd call the dog darth vader, as darth is a cool name! (i watched 'star wars' at a theater, and it was so great! i wish it could really happen some day.)
anyhow, i'd teach darth to chase and catch beggars, hippies and a-rabs and other scum, and chew them to death with his sharp teeth. he'd be a lot better than tony - sure, he can get pretty fierce too but he's too short to reach the throat.
so i want a big bad dog real soon! i begged daddy real hard but he says "not until you get better grades, george, or at least attain a second term as the president." then he hands my leash to mister cheney and we go walkies.
the end
Posted by: Richard G | October 5, 2004 05:37 AM
